Oh, how I enjoyed 'All done' terms! ’. I've been a complete sucker for these terms. Approval was like a candy, so inwardly it helped me feel moist so cosy. Everything from drawing to spelling checking to being just a nice kid- I was hooked on recognition! It was also simple to get; the guidelines had been well established and set. Keep your head down, stay still and be healthy.
As I got older and went to high school, the laws seemed to shift but nobody told me. The affirmation was not as explicit and what often took its position was criticism. There was no more anticipation or joy of getting anything good- it was only planned now, but what a pain from making a error. I was beginning to think, was I nice enough? Was I that smart? What do I think about my teammates, relatives, teachers and parents? I like me, do I I always liked studying, but when I gave up and stopped attending there came a stage in college. I was expecting this impact of recognition any time I entered college but what mostly came instead was disappointment and an intense sense of not enough that stuck with me for decades. I figured it's just me, but it's not.
We are a group of women over-attached to what people say about us.
When I began serving as a mentor 9 years ago, most of the people with whom I worked had a common tale of appreciation and disapproval about their obsession. It started in school at a young age most of the time but it was a tale that was already played out throughout their professions decades later. Solid, educated, competent people who feel trapped- owing to a fear of scrutiny and a need for recognition.
In our profession, there are 3 key forms this shows up: 1. Getting filled with affirmation- that is habits of success, getting the 'nice guy,' getting little to no limits of work, adjusting yourself to match up with what you believe is required, over results. You absolutely can not fulfill your capacity if you are reliant on or desperate for recognition. If you are actively getting acceptance from other men, you can not take chances, you can not do something else and you can not be real. You can not be the same person you are.
Wherever you're in your life or what you're doing with your profession- I'd be sure you have a history of support and critique, but I'm wondering if you're mindful of the magnitude of the effect it has on you and your jobs. What's your response when you hear about someone attacking you or your work? Play tiny and remain healthy, stick with work and ventures you feel you will excell in and earn recognition for it? Would you feel trapped or unfulfilled if you are scared to do something different and couldn't do it perfectly?
Too many people are aware and can feel the opportunity they have to achieve, be and have in their lives. It gnaws away at their spirit, squeezing their chest and neck each time they lay their head down, staying silent and reminding themselves they can't because they're not ready. If we're struggling with this dual problem we constrain ourselves and place ourselves in a shell.
As I got older and went to high school, the laws seemed to shift but nobody told me. The affirmation was not as explicit and what often took its position was criticism. There was no more anticipation or joy of getting anything good- it was only planned now, but what a pain from making a error. I was beginning to think, was I nice enough? Was I that smart? What do I think about my teammates, relatives, teachers and parents? I like me, do I I always liked studying, but when I gave up and stopped attending there came a stage in college. I was expecting this impact of recognition any time I entered college but what mostly came instead was disappointment and an intense sense of not enough that stuck with me for decades. I figured it's just me, but it's not.
We are a group of women over-attached to what people say about us.
When I began serving as a mentor 9 years ago, most of the people with whom I worked had a common tale of appreciation and disapproval about their obsession. It started in school at a young age most of the time but it was a tale that was already played out throughout their professions decades later. Solid, educated, competent people who feel trapped- owing to a fear of scrutiny and a need for recognition.
In our profession, there are 3 key forms this shows up: 1. Getting filled with affirmation- that is habits of success, getting the 'nice guy,' getting little to no limits of work, adjusting yourself to match up with what you believe is required, over results. You absolutely can not fulfill your capacity if you are reliant on or desperate for recognition. If you are actively getting acceptance from other men, you can not take chances, you can not do something else and you can not be real. You can not be the same person you are.
- Avoiding recognition- Surprisingly, the reverse is real, too, and that comes up in my clients too frequently. If you ignore recognition, resist the limelight, don't take care of your proposals and achievements if you're insecure getting praise, you can't reach your ability as well. You're not going to be totally turning up, communicating entirely, and you're going to be consciously making yourself smaller in work so you won't be noticed. It also occurs when an person discovers that in the past they have been dependent on encouragement and/or blame and have attempted to fix it- however they have overcorrected it.
- Fear of Criticism– you keep silent and low while that is a catalyst for you at work. You don't express your thoughts, you don't invent, you don't participate, you don't criticize proposals or ventures you don't think would succeed, you don't do something you note!
Wherever you're in your life or what you're doing with your profession- I'd be sure you have a history of support and critique, but I'm wondering if you're mindful of the magnitude of the effect it has on you and your jobs. What's your response when you hear about someone attacking you or your work? Play tiny and remain healthy, stick with work and ventures you feel you will excell in and earn recognition for it? Would you feel trapped or unfulfilled if you are scared to do something different and couldn't do it perfectly?
Too many people are aware and can feel the opportunity they have to achieve, be and have in their lives. It gnaws away at their spirit, squeezing their chest and neck each time they lay their head down, staying silent and reminding themselves they can't because they're not ready. If we're struggling with this dual problem we constrain ourselves and place ourselves in a shell.
No comments:
Post a Comment